I earned the Homestead by proposing at the Oakfield Demon Door.  I then had a child with my wife.  After completing the Spire quest to get the Hero of Will, I returned and everything was .  My child was 10 yrs old and I opted to take a family trip.  I selected the both of them to follow and walked out the Demon Door to Oakfield.  I noticed that my child was not following me.  I went back into the DD to find my child standing near the exit, not moving, staring into space and drooling.
I tried many times to get him to follow me, dismiss and follow again, interact in any way, etc., all to no avail.  He does have the mood modifiers appear above his head when I scare him, do something funny, etc, but he does not move or make any noise.

When I came back from a mission, he was standing out by the house poster with my wife, but still, he does not do anything but stare.  The only thing I can think of is killing him and starting over, but I don't think my wife will agree.

This happened to me with my first wife. We stayed at the Dark Mark in Bowerstone Old Town and I had the exact same problem you did. I don't think it's anything to do with the Homestead - it just seems to be a problem with that sequence. Ie. A child that you had before the Spire. Is your wife Alex, by any chance?

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Becky the barwench from Oakfield.  I think it may have been me trying to leave the DD via the main exit.  He didn't follow me and my wife out and when I went back and tried to dismiss / follow, nothing happened (over & over again, nothing).  He was stuck at the gate, until I left for a day or two and then he was stuck at the deed poster.

As far as I am aware there isn't really any way of fixing that. My wife was eventually killed which meant the unresponsive child was no longer a problem. (I didn't kill her, by the way.)
It hasn't happened since but I have heard of a few people complaining of this problem. Patch please?

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ive got this problem too. married alex in the begining, but she divorced me. D:

got remarried to some random whore in bloodstone, [[no second rings]] and we moved in the cemetery mansion. after i got enough money, i bought the castle, and we moved there. we had a baby girl, and everything was ok. i left to do some quests, and the little 'family emergency' thing popped up. i ran back home and spent hours combing threw the castle and garden. i checked bloodstone and oakfeild aswell.

i set the rescue quest as my primary, because i figured since the first thing to do was find the wife, it would show up as 'quest' or something on my map.

i got nothing. D: