Your Movies

Re: The JazzX Movie Vault

jazzx — Mon, 30 Mar 2009 15:57:14 GMT

This month, it's February 2008, and what a mixed box of delights we have here (or is it Kleenex? -[atchoo!!]) - two "Last Rites" spinoffs, zombies and curses, twisted horror, swish sci-fi both from the future on Earth and up in outer space. We even have a trip into another dimension. Or you could just remain locked up here on Earth in the present - we have a really classy movie abou .. a .. ahh ...ATCHOO!!

February 2008 Highlights

[C] = classic must-watch film

The Hound (Black & White Director's Cut) (not online)

by slarner

Genre: Classic Horror

Duration: 6 minutes

BBFC rating: (12) - for scenes of horror and mild gore

This is what happens if you take up grave robbing as a hobby; you have been warned!

This H.P. Lovecraft story is done real justice here - an eerie soundtrack with excellent editing in this classy black & white horror short.

UnSub

by A_N_D

Genre: Black Comedy Horror

Duration: 7 minutes

BBFC rating: (12) - for violence and implied extreme violence

This film is almost a manual for performing the perfect serial killing!

So easy as well; all you need is a van, a large box, a baseball bat and a chainsaw ...

The only possible problem is that the intended victim may be an arsehole - it only works on nice people!

Superb sound design, writing and acting stand out in this excellent tongue-in-cheek horror.

CAPITOL: Origin & CAPITOL: Initiation

by AlexBradley

Genre: Post-Apocalyptic Science Fiction Drama

Durations: 8 minutes & 14.5 minutes

BBFC ratings: /PG\ - for action violence & (12) - for violent scenes

On July 4th, 2045, the world ended. But, after a goose-bump nightmare inducing astounding depiction of the nuclear holocaust, we are told that this was only the end of the "old" world.
"Grandfather" (a nod to "Big Brother"?) has decreed that, in the new domed city which replaced Washington DC (the Capitol of the title), July 4th is now Grandfather's day!
The story proper opens with three students being let out of school early to celebrate - each has different opinions on whether "Grandfather" actually exists or whether it even matters, and we get an interesting discussion between the three until ...

... In the second part, we see the three students follow different life paths. Saying what those are would give away too much, you'll just have to watch it.

What I can say is that you will be treated to breathtaking visuals, especially in the cyberspace sequences where all three characters spend some time. One vision involves a beautiful neon cyber-city flythrough, the like of which has never been equalled - just jaw-dropping to behold.

Never a dull moment - I am about to, at last, watch the final part, "CAPITOL: Manifesto". I'll let you know about that one in a year's time!
(EDIT: Just watched it, my eyes are stuck together - too much candy)

Last Rites: Rex Rgis Fortuna

by Kingpengvin

Genre: Supernatural Cop Drama

Duration: 16.5 minutes

BBFC rating: (15) - for bad language

This "Last Rites" spinoff tells its own story about the cop assigned to find three teenagers wanted by the Serious Crimes Department (the same three who go to the diner in Last Rites).

Unfortunately, things go wrong, and this cop - whose whole life has been one long hard luck story - gets fired without pension or pay. Bad news, considering the only nice thing he's ever had - his wife - lies in an expensive hospital on life support.

This story is about what happens when he goes after the detective who messed his life up.

The ending is a stunner - but only if you've watched "Last Rites" though. (Do that now! That's an order!)

acting by the lead and an engaging story make this a joy to watch second time around. It's almost like falling in love again ...

My Dad was a Middle-Aged Zombie (Parts 1 & 2) (not online)

by Gnostradamus

Genre: Zombie Comedy

Durations: 7.5 minutes & nearly 9.5 minutes

BBFC ratings: /PG\ - for scary scenes and action violence & /PG\ - for scary scenes and one instance of mild bad language

A girl embarks on a holiday romance while on a tropical island with her annoying parents ... but it's not just tourists and hotel staff that populate the resort!

Plenty of hilarious lines and misunderstandings in this unfinished zombie series - intelligent comedy writing in many places. There's a nightmare sequence at the beginning of part 2 as well.

SOLA FIDE (aka "Last Rites: Sola Fide (by Faith Alone)") (not online)

by Jase180

Genre: Supernatural Religious Drama

Duration: 23 minutes

BBFC rating: (15) - for bad language

This film is set in the "end times" as documented in Revelations (a book in the New Testament of The Bible). Watch "Last Rites" (of which this is a spin-off) if you want the following to make sense ...

Previously atheistic cop, Falcone, has found himself appointed by God to fight Satan's forces on Earth. It's a task he doesn't appreciate much - his disdain for religion continues even now, with such quips as "why doesn't God show himself? It seems like the other side is making all the effort ..."

Beautifully atmospheric - the opening scene set on a ship against a darkened sky and rain is one that has stuck with me. A great mod - but the rest of the film is peppered with superb visuals too. The cinematography is exquisite throughout.

But, above all, the acting and writing is spot on. Falcone is such a well drawn character; there are many gems in his lines that bring a darkened smile to the face!.
The delivery, for such unbelievable material, is completely convincing; the performance demands you to suspend your belief, because Falcone didn't believe any of it either! He's the hardened cynic's way into the story and it works hands down.

An excellent film which can be admired even if you've not seen "Last Rites" (but you'll get even more out of this if you do).

The Man Who Wanted to Sneeze

by timothy_richmond_3

Genre: Offbeat Cult Comedy

Duration: 15 minutes

BBFC rating: (12) - for violence

Corey Kindle has a mental disorder. The film opens with him feeding 1200 quarters into a drinks machine as an experiment ("it didn't 'vend' well!")

The money would have been better spent paying his rent arrears; the Landlord wants to throw him out at the end of the week.

His condition seems to be brought about by his inability to sneeze! ...

Cue a very bizarre and original comedy, in its way quite sophisticated. The line between fantasy and reality is well and truly blurred in this one. Even his TV seems to be hovering in mid-air ready for the attack!

Very music by the director of this film too. His unmistakeable style fits the quirky subject matter like a slipper.

I'll give the ending away partially - the main character finally does sneeze, but ...

(click on the title to find out!)

Captain Ron and the Dagger of Deception (Parts 1-3) (not online)

by vikinghillblly

Genre: Old-school Science Fiction Serial

Duration: nearly 3.5 minutes, 3.5 minutes and nearly 5 minutes

BBFC rating: (12) - for one instance of bad language, U - suitable for all, /PG\ - for action violence

This is old-school "The Movies"; there's some modding of the sets but, apart from that, just subs and lots of imagination.

The middle episode is great - as the "deception" of the title is brought fully into play.

Much fun to be had here in a sort of Flash Gordon style - a total of 12 minutes well spent.

Chronicles of the Rift & Chronicles of the Rift: Origins (both not online)

by userjosh9874

Genre: Fantasy Drama

Duration: just over 12.5 minutes & 22.5 minutes

BBFC rating: /PG\ - for action violence and scary scenes (both parts)

What a fantasy film this is! Terrific sets and costume mods and some great acting performances from lesser known actresses.

The story for both films revolves around a cosmic "rift" between earth and the afterlife.

But it's the earth-based writing in "Origins" that floats my boat - our heroine hasn't found a man yet, which her society demands; her female friends chide her for that.
Her eventual choice of partner is a poor one! ... (watch now!!)

This is worth it for extremely capable performances, classy castle set mods and an intriguing story.

wiwanyank Wacipi (The Sundance): Part 3 [C]

by cinecitta

Genre: Prison Drama

Duration: 27.5 minutes

BBFC rating: (15) - for bad language

This is easily one of the best machinima films I've ever watched.

A truly brilliant film - even though it's part of an incomplete series - I watched that and realised what a privelege it was to witness it. There is nothing I can fault - simply wonderful in every respect

Here's my original review, which is one of my best:

"Absolutely brilliant.

One of the best TMO films I've ever watched (and I've watched at least 2000).

The only thing wrong with it is the hilariously mistranslated subtitles - but my GCSE A-grade in French got me through the film. (lol - the lead character's cell-mate hasn't really imported fleas from North Korea has he! ????)

But what an amazing film - it broke the language barrier through its incredible camerawork and editing, acting performances, music - just wow! And what a story ...

The prison scenes were brilliant - there can be no other word. I really felt for this character as his own feelings were documented during the various phases of his incarceration (and, as an aside [wow - that's saying something!], the penitentiary mods were terrific). This is the best "prison" film on TMO without any question whatsoever. Let's not even compare it to TMO films - it deserves to be compared to real life prison movies. This film should spell the end for those tired old TMO "in jail" scenes (you know, the one where he picks the lock and sneaks out?)

The structure worked beautifully, switching between his time in prison (which grounded the film nicely) and the more recent events. The desert sequence was a fantastic negative-karma moment with the lense-flare providing a scorching hot feeling. I actually felt sorry for the guy who had wronged him in the past ...

The love scenes were a lesson to all TMO filmmakers (and romance is the hardest thing to do with this game) - in the bedroom scene, the sudden change of music was what conveyed the extreme passion of the two characters - the earth moved for me anyway! A touching moment at the end too.

Pacing, editing - and even special effects - it was all there.

Let's also not forgot the acting - wonderful. I mentioned how poor the translations were - but the acting performances kind of told the story on their own. The central character was played brilliantly, and a big thumbs-up to Helen too. I don't care if she only speaks French, I want her in my film!

Not much else to say - this is my version of speechless.

A truly superb film."

I stand by what I said above - but second time around, it's even better.

I gave it my highest award - but even that's simply not enough for this film. Anyone who chooses not to watch this should be locked up!

This isn't machinima, it's cinema.

Also archived this month:

"The Armor of God"
"Celebrity Surviverz"
"Expedition to Alpha Centauri" (parts 1-4)
"Les Coupables" (The Culprits)
"The Origin of the Baggage Boy"
"Realm of Insanity: The First Nightmare"
"The Human Person"
"The Family Business" (Parts I - V (B))
"Newsbot Calls for YOU!"
"Newsbot - The Sequel"
"JAY ADAMS: A Detective Story (Act 1)"
"Captain Ron: Quilo" (Parts 1-3)
"Captain Ron and the Ambassador of Vela"
"Tough Kid on the Block"

There are now 949 films in the vault, the latest addition being the full hi-res version of "Tauschungen Eines Fremden (Fallacies of a Stranger)" by Meowan

See you next month! Have a one ...

Re: The JazzX Movie Vault

jazzx — Wed, 04 Mar 2009 14:18:35 GMT

werecool:
Hey JazzX, I just checked this thread out, I know, anyway I'd like you to rate a few of my films.

Dreams

http://www.tmunderground.com/watch/c6ae8c082a8422bb7dfc/Dreams

Der Lauerende Damon

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=roiohjbAqQY&feature=channel_page

The Origin of Dr. Bones

http://www.tmunderground.com/watch/767cffec0e513ae886df/The-Origin-of-Dr.-Bones

Please rate them. The reason I didn't post the Der Lauernde Damon TMU link is because the sound is about ten seconds off. I'll have to fix it later.

Hello Werecool,

This thread is where I feature the best films I watched from a year ago.

The thread you want is my Open Review thread.

You can either paste your links into the thread on this site:

http://community.lionhead.com/forums/63/2246431/ShowThread.aspx

or the one I've set up on TMOA forums:

http://www.tmoaradio.com/vb/showthread.php?t=1193

Don't worry about the YouTube link - if that's the best version of the film, then that's the best one to submit for review. I don't mind what site hosts the film as long as the picture quality is ok.

Re: The JazzX Movie Vault

Endo2008 — Wed, 04 Mar 2009 14:08:45 GMT

Did you review Joke in the Box Jazz?

Re: The JazzX Movie Vault

jazzx — Wed, 04 Mar 2009 14:06:01 GMT

moviekit06:
Endo2008:
Please rate my movie, Its uncomplete without your critic. Cheerio for now, for tis day is oblique.

Funny that you asked me off your thread, when your going onto threads where, your obviously not welcome.

Also, JazzX can you rate 'Spooked' the Baskit movie?

http://www.tmunderground.com/watch/91b896ad95059d13df61/Baskit-Studio's-Spooked

Kit

I've already rated "Spooked" in my open review thread on this site Dec 19th 2008

http://community.lionhead.com/forums/63/2246431/ShowThread.aspx

movie - it got a 4. Liked the Scooby-Doo!

Re: The JazzX Movie Vault

werecool — Tue, 03 Mar 2009 00:19:09 GMT

Hey JazzX, I just checked this thread out, I know, anyway I'd like you to rate a few of my films.

Dreams

http://www.tmunderground.com/watch/c6ae8c082a8422bb7dfc/Dreams

Der Lauerende Damon

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=roiohjbAqQY&feature=channel_page

The Origin of Dr. Bones

http://www.tmunderground.com/watch/767cffec0e513ae886df/The-Origin-of-Dr.-Bones

Please rate them. The reason I didn't post the Der Lauernde Damon TMU link is because the sound is about ten seconds off. I'll have to fix it later.

Re: The JazzX Movie Vault

Endo2008 — Mon, 02 Mar 2009 22:48:16 GMT

He's a movie reviewer, I got a movie. Fair game. He dont have to critic my film, its up to him.

Re: The JazzX Movie Vault

moviekit06 — Mon, 02 Mar 2009 21:09:56 GMT

Endo2008:
Please rate my movie, Its uncomplete without your critic. Cheerio for now, for tis day is oblique.

Funny that you asked me off your thread, when your going onto threads where, your obviously not welcome.

Also, JazzX can you rate 'Spooked' the Baskit movie?

http://www.tmunderground.com/watch/91b896ad95059d13df61/Baskit-Studio's-Spooked

Kit

Re: The JazzX Movie Vault

Endo2008 — Mon, 02 Mar 2009 20:48:09 GMT

Please rate my movie, Its uncomplete without your critic. Cheerio for now, for tis day is oblique.

Re: The JazzX Movie Vault

jazzx — Sat, 21 Feb 2009 23:11:38 GMT

So we come to January 2008 this month in the vault - spies, assassins, Armageddon, a supreme Galactic Leader, reality TV and the ultimate The Movies tutorial are the on the menu - all cracking movies!

January 2008 Highlights

No One Waits Forever (part 1) (German with English subtitles) (not online)

&

No One Waits Forever (part 2) (German with English subtitles) (not online)

by mlederer

Genre: Action Spy Comedy

Durations: 8 minutes each part

BBFC ratings: /PG\ - for action violence (both parts)

In this thoroughly entertaining Bond homage, we begin by watching the young Max Capacity in action in the 60s. Then, after the requisite credits sequence with naughty silhouettes of ladies (and a song starring my sister [my James Bond effort was put to use in this film - the villain even quotes the title later on]), we join the present day in the spy chief's office. Hilariously, we learn that Max Capacity was so that they had to retire him because he was too well known ("they even made movies about him") - but luckily, everyone's forgotten about him now - so 40 years later, he gets put back on the job...

Max is more Roger Moore than Sean Connery, his puns are entertainingly groan-worthy throughout the film .. for example, after narrowly escaping an arson attack, he's asked by a passerby "why did you jump out of the building?" ... Max quips "I had a burning desire!"

All the classic Bond features are included: gadgets, a souped up car, stunts, a crazed villain with a seemingly invincible henchman (in an underground lair of course!) - there's even a Honey Rider type character walking out of the sea!

All great fun, the time whizzes by.

Confessions of a Supreme Being

by Strondor

Genre: Science Fiction Comedy

Duration: 4.5 minutes

BBFC rating: (15) - for bad language

A punchline to this intentionally geeky comedy, as Golthar the Merciless recounts the 7 great civilisations he conquered in order to become supreme Intergalactic Ruler (or something like that).
An enjoyable shorty with some really funny lines by Golthar's victims, check it out.

To TMO or Not To TMO [C]

by rileyman

Genre: Comedy "The Movies" Tutorial

Duration: 14 minutes

BBFC rating: (12) - for implied bad language

For my highest award, now here's a first,
A tutorial for "The Movies", it's certainly not the worst!

(and that should get you used to the level of poetry in this film!).

Unlike the usual dry video tutorials we're used to seeing for programs like "The Movies", this one is hilariously funny as it documents the many pitfalls of using the software featuring a hapless new filmmaker trying to get to grips with it (played brilliantly).
The director narrates the film using rhyme, guiding him on his way, while we can visually gauge his mood via a large "The Movies" mood bar at the bottom of the screen (by the end it's at irate level!).

The film is beautifully produced - the opening titles remain the best I've ever seen, extremely smoothly animated; the words jump and spin out at you in 3D! Even in the online-quality version, nothing as glossy as that had ever been seen before.
The music and sound effects are all from "The Movies" and have rarely sounded better, or been used with near-perfect comic timing.

So, as a well written and produced tutorial it works; the part about uploading to the website is now irrelevant, of course, but for someone new to machinima filmmaking there's much advice in this film which still holds up; especially if they're not using an external editor and are only interested in producing something completely from within the program to start with.

But it also has value in another way - there are many cameos and references to several members of The Movies community. It is like a very glossy snapshot of a website at a particular moment in history. Those of us who were there will have our memories jogged by this film.
That makes it very special indeed for some.

In the end, our hero decides "Not to TMO!", unamused at the 1-star rates for his unfortunately titled "The Baggage Boy" - but watch past the end credits for the TMO spirit to re-emerge within him in an entertaining fight sequence that anyone who has triumphed with this software will relate to.
"To TMO" I say!

Bombshelter - Part 1 (not online)

&

Bombshelter - Part 2 (not online)

by Jase180

Genre: Reality TV Mystery Drama

Durations: nearly 20 minutes & 28.5 minutes

BBFC rating: (15) - for bad language (both parts)

Against the backdrop of a Russo-Sino escalating cold war, a brand new reality TV show is discussed by some cynical TV executives. We've had the inescapable house, and the inescapable island, and the inescapable jungle - now why don't we do something we've never done before and take a bunch of people who we know are never going to get along and trap them in an inescapable underground military nuclear bunker?
It's hinted at that the executives would be able to control the information that the contestants get to see in order to spice up the show and add to the paranoia.

After a brief, but incredibly chilling, nuclear holocaust sequence we see one of the contestants wake up sharply from her nightmare [I've had that one many times]. The contestants have been shown footage of a nuclear holocaust and now have no contact with the outside world. Is this part of the game or for real?
One character pours scorn on the idea that it's a set-up, "there's no way they could pull that off!"

And yet - an even more audacious setup was carried out by Channel 4 TV in England in 2005 very successfully.
Reality TV contestants, explicitly chosen for their gullibility and sheep factor and lack of knowledge of space travel, were invited to train to be cosmonauts at Russia's Star City, then 3 winners were to go into space on a mission.

The contestants were taken from a British air base by plane to Star City in Russia - or that's what they thought - in actual fact, they were taken using a 4-hour flight plan to another RAF base which would normally be only 15 minutes away. This base was dressed perfectly to look like a Russian space training facility. Even the cigarettes that the production crew were smoking, and all the snacks, were from Russia. They were met by some "real" Cosmonauts - who were British method actors that stayed in character the whole time, even when alone.

All the personnel in "Star City" were actors - and also three of the contestants whose job was to misdirect any suspicions their fellow contestants were having. One of these actors would be chosen to "win" one of the places on the space mission at the end of the four weeks.

After some incredibly silly lectures and training exercises [one lecture claimed that "only 30% weightlessness will be experienced, as we will be in 'near space', not 'deep space'" - having no knowledge of space travel, the contestants believed this horsecrap!], the winners were chosen and put onto a Hollywood mock-up of a space shuttle (the same one used in Deep Impact) for the final mission where, just before the "space walk", they were finally let in on the hoax.

All the contestants (victims?) got £5000, a trip to the real Star City and 25 seconds of real weightlessness for being sports - the winning contestants got an additional £20000 as a prize.

... the name of the show? "Space Cadets" - lol

... so the scenario suspected by one character in Bombshelter is perfectly plausible, and pretty horrifying when you think about it. Definitely the kind of thing someone is going to try and do in the near future in an attemp to make reality TV even more nasty than it already is. We've already seen candid camera shows where victims are made to feel like they're going to die - mock executions are against the Geneva Convention, apparently that doesn't apply to US TV corporations.

Worldwide, we've had cases where a TV contestant wasn't informed that she had cancer until 2 weeks had passed in the game (presumably while the people upstairs debated what to do) - and another case where a contestant wasn't told about their father's death until they left the Big Brother house (which is simply despicable).

My idea is for a gameshow where 20 reality TV executives are locked in a small room and told that only the last one standing gets their bonus this year - it wouldn't make for TV, it wouldn't even last until the first commercial break before we had a winner; we'd have to run old cartoons and repeats of "Big Brother" to fill the remaining time.

Back to Bombshelter ...

The set design is immense - I can think of no other film I've seen where such a set "feels" vast. We're treated to countless corridors, a huge control room, a massive generator hall, a beautifully dressed armoury - all in addition to an amazing pull-through of the opening to the complex and out beyond the gates. It feels massive and one can imagine that somewhere in pre-production, a map was made of this huge place, even for areas that are never filmed.

The usual assortment of hand-picked stereotypes have made it onto the show - we see how self-serving or clueless they are in their audition tapes at the beginning of part 2.
The wisecracking, basketball playing, African American cop [West] is my favourite (played superbly), stealing the show with lines like this one:

FEMALE CONTESTANT: What did you find West?

WEST: ... I wandered into 13 block

POMPOUS BRIT: that's off limits!

WEST: you said that about yo momma and I still got with her didn't I?

I'll not give too much more away, other than to say the tension between the contestants is very palpable - this is well worth watching just for that, even if this had been staged against a black background for the entire film or as a radio play. As it is, it turns into an intriguing whodunnit halfway through - the mystery only really being resolved after the final credits have rolled (so watch it ALL - or you'll miss out).

In tone, this movie reminds me a bit of a cross between Lost and Alien (two of my favourites). Even if, like me, you hate reality TV, don't let the subject matter of this film put you off watching it. It's solid drama throughout.

Unsurprisingly, this director is currently remaking Andrew Lloyd Webber's masterpiece "Jesus Christ Superstar". Early signs are that it's going to be even more terrific than this film - it certainly won't bomb at the box-office!

...

...

[sorry ... I'll get my coat ...]

Last Rites: In Nomine Patris

Last Rites: Et Fille

Last Rites: Et Spiritus Sancti (improved audio synch version)

Last Rites: Amen

by tmunderg (aka kuroken)

Genre: Religious Apocalypse Detective Thriller

Durations: just over 24.5 minutes, 21.5 minutes, 26.5 minutes, just over 29.5 minutes

BBFC rating: (15) - for violence and bad language (all episodes)

This very original supernatural spin on the detective thriller begins with a malevolent priest pulling out a gun and shooting a young boy. This appears not to be the first time he's done this and two cops are assigned to the case. They can't understand why they've been assigned because neither of them works in homicide, both are in the less prestigious violent crime department. They are told by their boss that homicide doesn't have any detectives available and that they'll have to do. "That's bullshit!" exclaims our main protagonist Falcone - and I was in complete agreement with him, surely they could reassign somebody from homicide for a serial killer case ... (there's a reason though which I won't give away)

That's the setup - so far, so run-of-the-mill cop drama ... but if I tell you that Satan and Armageddon and even the Whore of Babylon are somehow involved, I'm sure you'll agree that you just have to see this!

I'm not going to spoil any of it though, you'll just have to watch it - there's plenty of twists in store, I can tell you that much. You'll also be treated to some great visual effects in part IV when the story reaches its climax.

Throughout the series, there's some great exchanges between Falcone and Father Hooker - one character is utterly convinced of his mission for God, the other is completely skeptical; at times Falcone is almost like a sarcastic comedian to Hooker's straight man - there's chemistry between the two.

Falcone gets all the best lines - in one episode, after listening to what he sees as gibberish from one character, he headbutts them, "What was it Mike Tyson said? They all have a plan until they get hit!" ...

... but that's just an indicator of the outstanding quality of writing that this series is steeped in.

Last Rites is very absorbing to watch, easily defying its 100 minute total running time - some achievement!
It led to several excellent spin-offs from other directors, some of which we'll be revisiting next month.

Penultimate FDS (not online)

by Soulsword

Genre: Bizarre Slapstick Comedy

Duration: 6 minutes

BBFC rating: /PG\ - for mild sexuality and cartoon violence

On YouTube today, and for the past year, there is a fad for taking the tantrum scene in the German film "Downfall" and re-subtitling it. In the scene, Hitler - played brilliantly by Bruno Ganz - is shown being delivered some bad news by his Generals and then going off on one for six minutes!

Hundreds of parodies of this scene have been done; "Tottenham loses to Arsenal", "Hitler's X-box has the Red Ring of Death", "Hitler can't get Superbowl tickets", "McCain loses to Obama", "Hitler gets banned from World of Warcraft", "Hitler's car gets stolen" and my own personal favourite "Hitler hates Downfall parodies" to name but a small few. The exact same scene done hundreds of times but with different subtitles on each occasion.

Back in the day, there was a similar meme on TMO for making films showing various characters falling down the cellar stairs. Much less skillful than even the worst "Downfall" parody, but people seemed to think it was hilarious at the time [I thought it was pathetic].

This film is all you could ever ask for in a falling-down-stairs film, and much more. There's some genuinely funny lines from each victim (who include just about everyone, even Jesus and Satan) and a slight digression in the middle where we are treated to some great underwear mods (including "LIONHEAD" underpants!) - we even get to see Hitler fall UP the stairs at one point!

Unlike its source material, this film is genuinely funny and full of laughs. If you still think Falling Down Stairs is funny 3 years later, then you'll rest contented after seeing this, the ULTIMATE falling down stairs movie which will never be bettered.

KILLERS.COM (French with English subtitles)

by samyhouse

Genre: Assassin Thriller

Duration: nearly 10.5 minutes

BBFC rating: (15) - for extensive violence

This inventive spin on the assassin genre is about a website set up to provide work for hired assassins! Basically, you go on Killers.com stating who you want killed and how much you're prepared to offer. An assassin will read the listings and pick a contract that they like.

Lately, business has been bad, amateur assassins have been giving the profession a bad name and the reward money that clients are willing to pay has been getting less and less; but when a $10 billion reward comes up on the site, every assassin will be looking to get a piece of the target - and each other...

A nice twist in this brilliantly shot film about brilliant shots! The camerawork and editing of the action (and there's plenty of that) is just fantastic. The erotic dancer that opens the film has never been captured on camera better than this thanks, not just to the angles, but also the colouring of the scene. You'll see great cinematography in the rest of the film as well - different lense filters (or transparent coloured overlays as we otherwise know them) are used to enhance the mood and atmosphere.

Another cracker from this studio which is registered to TMU, but has been dormant so far.
Here's their studio website where you can watch all their films: http://www.freewebs.com/samyhouse/killerscom.htm - they're all well worth it!

Also archived this month:

"Internal Darkness - Episode 1: Burden" (VO remake)
"Sexual Harassment in the Workplace"
"Woke Up Dead"
"Woke Up Dead 2: The Wrath of Judas"
"The Girl Who Lost Her Clothes"
"SantaHyde: NEXT"
"Terror Tales"
"Blue Chicago Moon"
"Empire (Part Four)"
"Groovy Night"
"The Adventures of Weredog"

There are now 931 films in the archive, the latest addition being "Home Sweet Home" (Hi-res) by RJANACONDA

Click here to watch all the featured films in this month's Movie Vault:
http://www.tmunderground.com/channels/JazzXMV

See you in one month's time!

Re: The JazzX Movie Vault

jazzx — Sat, 21 Feb 2009 09:01:24 GMT

Before I get down to business this month, here's my new review for the improved audio synch version of "Last Rites - Et Spiriti Sancti" (part 3 in the series):

Last Rites: Et Spiriti Sancti (improved audio synch version)

by tmunderg (aka. kuroken)

Genre: Religious Apocalypse Detective Thriller

Duration: 26.5 minutes

BBFC rating: (15) - for bad language and intense violence

***** stars

In this third episode, we - like Falcone - learn what's at stake.

The danger of such expository sections of a story is that the religious mumbo-jumbo sends the audience to sleep.
Not so here - Falcone and Hooker deliver the finest dialogue scene in the series so far; Falcone's skepticism playing off nicely against Hooker's righteous conviction.

There's quite a few surprises in this episode - which I refuse to spoil - but it's intense stuff (the brutal interrogation scene springs to mind) that sets up the finale nicely.

Another very episode.

Last Rites will be featured in the vault imminently (as soon as I've watched the final part again, prepared my comment on the whole series and uploaded some of the other featured films).

See you very soon!

Re: The JazzX Movie Vault

jazzx — Wed, 21 Jan 2009 15:58:34 GMT

Pay attention class, this edition of the JazzX Movie Vault includes great animation, great stories, Japanese chicks kicking ***, thoughts on the meaning of existence, a futuristic look at religion, Japanese chicks kicking butt, an exploration of the death penalty, Japanese chicks kicking derierre and more Japanese chicks executing perfect special moves against someone's backside.

Welcome to December 2007!

December 2007 Highlights

XTREME HIGH SCHOOL + (Japanese with English subtitles) (not online)

MOST XTREME HIGH SCHOOL + (Japanese with English subtitles) (not online)

XTREME HIGH SCHOOL: 3rd IMPACT (Part 1) (Japanese with English subtitles) (not online)

by Sidy

Genre: Japanese Super Hero

Durations: nearly 6 minutes, 7 minutes and 15.5 minutes respectively

BBFC ratings:
/PG\ - for frequent cartoon violence
/PG\ - for frequent cartoon violence
U - suitable for all

These are a fantastic watch!
It begins with two schoolgirls fighting over a boy in high school. Very quickly, it becomes apparent that both of them are skilled in advanced martial arts, including conjuring up fireballs and turning their fists and feet into flames at will! Yes, it's like watching a game of Street Fighter ... but with the female characters always winning! The animation and sound design are astounding; you really feel all the big impacts when the girls turn on the style.

In the next one, the girls (who are now best friends) have become teachers at their former school - but an unruly pupil needs to be taught a lesson (yes - another female with superpowers)! Cue more great fun as physical discipline is once more brought back into the classroom!

In "3rd Impact" (named after the 3rd revision of the videogame "Street Fighter III"), an alien foe attacks the Earth. Both the girls, later joined by their foe from part 2 (and a lad who can barely get his fireball up) combine powers to stop the plasma attack in progress. Waiting in the wings is a monkey from the "Oh It's On" series (by mixmasterfestus) - apparently the alien menace wants to destroy Earth as a way of getting back at him. The animation in this episode is just incredible for a The Movies film - if you only have time to watch one of them, watch this.

Time flies by when watching these films, never a dull moment. All the elements that make up a movie are put perfectly in place in every episode.
Something I didn't spot first time around is just how well the parts are acted - in addition to the brilliant use of The Movies gestures during the reaction shots (my favourite being when one character shows her disappointment at her exam results in "MOST"!)

This is top notch entertainment. Often very funny as well as dazzlingly beautiful to look at.
Your homework is to watch these films, no excuses will be accepted.

From one pair of Japanese kick-ass chicks to another:

Aya and Yumi: Yumi's Journal (not online)

by madone69

Genre: Character Study/Series Recap

Duration: 9.5 minutes

BBFC rating: /PG\ - for some mildly violent scenes

Aya and Yumi are a couple of lasses who've learned fighting skills in order to double-handedly rid their town of gangs. These gangs often go around in halloween costumes as they perpetrate their crimes ("The Scream Queens", "The Horrorshows" etc.)

I was struck from watching my first Aya and Yumi film, episode 5, at how superbly well the friendship between the two characters was realised.

For me, Aya and Yumi are the best defined friendship I've watched in 3 years - they goof about and argue like friends do, but they're always there for each other. And all that achieved using only subtitles.

In this film, Yumi gives an account, via her diary, of the story so far (a great way into the story if you know nothing about it). She also documents how she met Aya and why they got on so well.
At the end of the film, they have a hilarious battle over the TV; the show they're supposed to be watching is by Sidy (see above!)

I've uploaded this film with the permission of the filmmaker, I hope they'll join TMU and upload all the other episodes of Aya and Yumi; the two I've seen are terrific!

Extinguished (not online)

by josephkw

Genre: Science Fiction Death Row Action Drama

Duration: 27.5 minutes

BBFC rating: /PG\ - for action violence

A space cruiser takes 3 condemned prisoners to the edge of a black hole where they await being loaded into pods before being "extinguished" by means of expulsion into the abyss.

This sets the scene for an exploration of the death penalty and indeed religious questions about the nature of the soul; also onboard the ship is the requesite preacher who begins by interviewing each of the condemned. Fascinatingly, even he is condemned - but by a terminal illness which gives him about a month to live.

We get to know the characters and why they were sentenced to such an expensive fate; why not just shoot them? The answer is that the predominating religion on their planet of origin believes that not even a soul can escape from a black hole, it's therefore the worst form of death penalty possible. That's why, at one point in the film, the prisoners are threatened by the Captain with being shot if they try anything ... by guns set to "stun".

In order of appearance, the condemned are:

A murderer - the usual penalty is probably shooting - but he killed a Senator's daughter and some strings were pulled to give him the ultimate penalty,

A drug addict - who took the only escape pod on her ship during a crisis (while she was high), condemning the rest of her crew to be sucked into a black hole (and therefore have their souls extinguished),

A scientist - who invented a weapon of mass destruction which he sold to an enemy power resulting in the deaths of 250 000 people.

I'll tell you that one of these three survives at the end of the film - place your bets and watch to find out!

A fascinating film with plenty of surprises - this is the kind of film that you watch several times, picking up more nuances on each occasion.

See all the featured films at:
The JazzX Movie Channel

Also archived this month:

"A Split Second"
"Bill Cluck: Car Salesman"
"Apartment 4C"
"A Day to Forget"
"It's Not as Bad as it Looks: A Year in the Life of a Space Commie Nazi Fleet - Part One: The New Recruits"

There are now 928 films in the archive, the latest addition being "Rochelle, Rochelle" by BiggsTrek

See you next month!

Re: The JazzX Movie Vault

jazzx — Sun, 14 Dec 2008 23:53:37 GMT

I'm back!

Yes - two months have gone by.

By sheer coincidence, October 2007 was the only month where I didn't archive any films - and November 2008 was when news of the end of TMO came through. So I chose not to have an edition of the movie vault last month and concentrate on saving more films for the archive before they all disappeared.

But, my ness, I made up for lost time!

Yes, this month there are a wealth of featured films, many of which are classics. In fact, I don't think there was a single month which had so many great films in it than November 2007 - surely the best month for extremely high quality TMO films (and not just because I'm in a large proportion of them! [haha])

Any film marked with a [C] is a must-watch classic and represents the best of what TMO had to offer according to yours truly.

But that's not all! I've started a channel on TMU where you can easily watch the featured films below - even those marked as "no longer online". Be aware that all films will be removed next month to make way for new movies from the vault (probably mid-late January).

Here's the link:

The JazzX Movie Vault Channel

Enjoy!

November 2007 Highlights

Cleopatra (Part II) (not online, now available edited together with Part I as Cleopatra)

by TheMGMKid

Genre: Historical Epic

Duration: Part II only: 25 minutes - combined Part I and Part II: 43.5 minutes

BBFC rating: (12) - for violent scenes (both parts)

The epic saga continues with sumptuous locations, romance, skullduggery and a climactic ending - and we're only half way through!

Wacky You Want

by Rysto

Genre: Wacky Easter Creature Comedy

Duration: 4 minutes

BBFC rating: (12) - for bad language

Completely crazy, but some great gags as we see multitudes of Easter bunnies going head to head and toe to toe with Easter chicks. Who wins? Well there's a nice twist at the end.

Operation Black Widow (no longer online)

by simpsdog

Genre: Secret Agent Action Thriller

Duration: 10 minutes

BBFC rating: /PG\ - for some mild violence

This is what America has in store if it doesn't promote one of its female officers to General any time soon:

They might quit the army, go to Mexico and start their own army composed entirely of women, before acquiring some nerve gas and attempting to use it on their erstwhile military superiors in the US just to teach them a lesson! ("we'll show them who the weaker sex REALLY is!")

Luckily, should they even think of doing that, America's best female CIA operative will be sent in to single-handedly sort them out!

That looks corny - and it is - but this movie has blockbuster music, some great VOs from the mainly female cast and nice one-liners. Very entertaining!

Wiwanyank Wacipi - La Danse du Soleil: Part 2 (aka. "Wiwanyank Wacipi - The Sundance: Part 2") (French with English subtitles) [C]

by Cinecitta

Genre: Street Crime Drama

Duration: just over 18.5 minutes

BBFC rating: (15) - for violence, bad language and drug use

The saga continues with Elliot hitting rock bottom on the streets; a world of pimps, prostitutes, drugs, begging and hopelessness ... not to mention the cops. Masterfully created - I waited until the next episode before giving this series my highest award. Atmospheric and engaging, this series is definitely a must-watch. Check out the way the camera and lighting are used in the drugs trip sequence!

May Flowers [C] (Hi-res version available)

by josephkw

Genre: Supernatural Gothic Romance

Duration: 21.5 minutes

BBFC rating: /PG\ - for one scary scene and drunken behaviour

This brilliantly written and played film made the director the first person ever to win my highest award twice. Such an original story told in a languid style which kind of washes over you like the passing of the seasons themselves. It starts off as a very sweet and engaging romance story as Henry takes a fancy to a girl called May that he meets on the street, but beyond that I'm not spoiling anything! You can take it from me that it's unusual and very worthwhile though.

This is film-making at its finest - so that it won first place in the H.P. Lovecraft Film Festival 2007. When you see it (not if), you'll easily see why.

The Dead Cases - Part 1 (Hi-res version available) [C]

&

The Dead Cases - Part 2 (Hi-res version available) [C]

by Jase180

Genre: Supernatural Detective Noir

Duration: 21.5 minutes & just over 22.5 minutes

BBFC rating: (15) - for bad language and scenes of gore (both parts)

Here's a superb noir film with a difference. It's about John Noble, a man who ends up in prison wrongly convicted of manslaughter. In a skillful piece of story telling, we find out halfway through why he never even attempted to defend himself in court. You see (well not really unless you watch the film!), John has a special power that allows him to bring the dead back to life for questioning! [British TV sci-fi fans will recognise a similar concept from Torchwood: the resurrection glove!]

Superb acting by the lead and an immersive atmosphere are the main features of this film. My own contribution to the movie was to supply the trumpet theme (which I'm very pleased with) and to act as one of the main characters. Book was the toughest character I've ever played, requiring a lot of redos - my voice isn't normally that low and a sore throat was inevitable! But there's no doubt this was a project I was very proud to be a part of. The effort was worth every packet of Strepsils it cost to make! Watch it!

Athena Project: The Series - Episode I: The Portal (no longer online)

&

Athena Project: The Series - Episode II: "Best Laid Plans" (no longer online)

by Fulkster

Genre: TV Science Fiction

Duration: just over 8 minutes & nearly 12 minutes

BBFC rating:
Episode I: U - suitable for all
Episode II: /PG\ - for some violence

This is an extremely well presented sci-fi TV series. I'm a sucker for time travel stories - so when it turns into one in part 2, I was on tenterhooks! The spaceship is forced to land on earth in the 1800s for repairs to the damaged warp drive. But a previous time traveller was already raising their teenage daughter in that era to be ready for the arrival of future invaders, in particular robots, by teaching her how to shoot with deadly accuracy! I just fell in love with this concept. I also like how each episode begins with a great quote. In part 2, this is supplied by Isaac Asimov and his "Rules of Robotics". They basically say "Don't harm humans", "Obey humans unless ordered to harm them" and "Protect yourself at all times unless that conflicts with not harming humans". Needless to say, the robot in part 2 breaks these rules! I would most certainly have liked to see more of this series if it exists. Check it out.

Real Estate Agent Smith (no longer online)

by Bongoman

Genre: Military Science Fiction Satire

Duration: 5.5 minutes

BBFC rating: (15) - for bad language

This film is supposed to be an anti-war movie, but in its entertaining recurring episodic structure you get to see some cool animations of humans and aliens duking it out with a ton of hardware. This was one of the first films to use in-game footage from a non-The Movies game, with the video capture exported as hundreds of overlays for the battle sequences. Very impressive to watch.

Gamma Force: Operation Liberty - Part I (no longer online)

&

Gamma Force: Operation Liberty - Part II (no longer online)

by Cruise1970

Genre: Action Thriller

Duration: nearly 9 minutes and nearly 6.5 minutes

BBFC rating: (12) - for violent scenes (both parts)

In this action film, I got to play the part of Shawn Grease aka. Snake Eye! The story is about an elite team of three civilians drafted into the military to take on a German drugs/terrorist group in Katrina-hit New Orleans. In "Enter the Dragon" style, each member of the team is introduced in flashback - my character is shown doing his day job of sniping for a SWAT team in New York, then we see an American bare-knuckle boxer in action (this is a cool sports scene right down to the instant crowd reactions according to who's winning). The film has some really visual effects and sound design in its running time. Some acting as well, the drill instructor is superb! It's worth watching just for that!

SKETCHES!

by RavensFan_09

Genre: Wacky Comedy Sketch Show

Duration: nearly 6.5 minutes

BBFC rating: U - suitable for all

Some laughs to be had in this comedy sketch show. I'll not give away the jokes here, but the weatherman and the basketball coach are my favourites!

Phantoms

by OD-Ork-Boy

Genre: Military Science Fiction

Duration: just over 25 minutes

BBFC rating: (15) - for bad language

An elite team of commandos is sent in to a base on a far off planet to recover some secret documents. Getting in seems to be too easy - could it be a trap?

There's great banter and one liners from the soldiers in this film and a lot of attention to detail in the operational procedure (such as the use of a running hologram to act as a diversion). I got to chew the scenery as the Emperor, called out to witness the birth of a brand new race of super soldiers. I loved playing that role in this film and the sequels - I hope it doesn't look like I'm enjoying it too much as my character marches around with a permanent scowl on his face expressing his displeasure at every opportunity!

This film is a prologue to the "Sorrows of the Spy" series.

Daydreams of Waking Night [C]

by thebiz

Genre: Bizarre Arthouse Fantasia

Duration: 6.5 minutes

BBFC rating: PG - for one use of bad language

This is just terrific! Almost like "Salesman in Wonderland". A fantastical excursion into the mind of a salesman when he drifts off to sleep during a boring meeting (the eye-closing overlay gets things off to a start). Full of memorable images and truly bizarre situations, a lot of the events are surprising and funny, and there's no chance of me giving them away here, but I can say that the custom-made music is outstanding in the way it changes to each circumstance sort of in the same way as in the old cartoons.

This classic won the 15th Prufrock Award for Outstanding Cinema.

High School Girls: Part 1

&

High School Girls: Part 2

by rposhard

Genre: Pedophile Drama

Duration: 22.5 minutes & just over 22.5 minutes

BBFC ratings:
Part 1: (12) - for adult themes, disturbing scenes and pedophile behaviour
Part 2: (15) - for scenes of a sexual nature, bad language and implied sexual violence

A young girl tells the police her story of how she came to know and be raped by an upstanding psychologist. Meanwhile, in his cell, an interrogator interviews the alleged pedophile. He seems to be corroborating the story. But, an ingenious twist at the end throws everything up in the air! This film has two very performances from the female leads and also from Dr McAvoy, a very memorable character for sure. There's very suspensful music in this film as well. The ending is gripping!

The Dance of Death - Part One (no longer online)

&

The Dance of Death - Part Two (no longer online)

by SGPorsche48

Genre: Kidnap Drama

Duration: 10 minutes & nearly 11.5 minutes

BBFC ratings:
Part One: (15) - for bad language
Part Two: (12) - for mild bad language and some violence

A woman wakes up in a theatre on a stage dressed in a skimpy costume. Her only company is a mysterious voice commanding her to get ready to perform a show ... and there's no way out! The two parts are very different, the first part takes place over a week in the theatre, the second part is told from the husband's perspective as he searches for his wife during the same week. A clever ending ties the two stories together nicely. There's great writing here, especially in Part 1 as the woman and her captor banter with each other, often to blackly hilarious effect!

Alien on Vacation (Music Video) (no longer online)

by Bongoman & "In-Stereo"

Genre: Progressive Rock

Duration: 5 minutes

BBFC rating: U - suitable for all

It's not just the music that's in this one. The visuals are often staggering as we see the main character doing stunts on his hoverboard in and around a deserted city. There's an environmental message in the film as well.

A Very British Sketch Show

by Sparky

Genre: TV Comedy Sketch Show

Duration: nearly 17 minutes

BBFC rating: (15) - for bad language

This is a laugh - it has the typical British TV sketch show format down pat. Fans of "The Fast Show" or "Smack the Pony" or "Harry Enfield" will be familiar with its use of recurring gags and short sketches with the odd big one thrown in (an hilarious finale involving a frustrated AOL customer this time). I believe this was my first proper go at doing comedy characters (well 2 comedy performances and a straight man) - I think it came out alright, but you can never be sure if what you've done is funny or not without a live audience to watch it. Anyway, that aside, there's lots of fun to be had here; the variation on the horse-walks-into-a-bar joke was my personal favourite. Be warned, unlike the typical British TV sketch show, the language in this is much worse - but if you can stomach that, you'll be falling about through much of this...

Super Duper Uber GALAXY FORCE [C]

by MefuneAkira

Genre: Science Fiction Spoof Comedy

Duration: 23 minutes

BBFC rating: (15) - for bad language

An undoubted comedy classic - this one has it all! Even if the Mel Brooks thing doesn't float your boat, watching this is a lesson in how to craft a movie in terms of pacing, editing and the use of reaction shots for comic effect.

But for me, this isn't just the best comedy ever made for TMO (in my own mind and by proxy this archive, it will now always retain that place in history thanks to the closing of TMO), but one of the finest crafted films as well. No doubt that, if I didn't have a role in the film (a pompous admiral which I thoroughly enjoyed playing), it would have easily got my highest award.

"Ramm Zees Ghost"
"I Pwn U Wit Hax Noob"
"Freedom Fighters: Revolution" (Parts I & II)
"Redenzione de Mazza"
"Score Settled"
"Score Settled 2"
"Preachers"
"Nosferatu: Eine Symphonie des Grandes"
"Tasha's Corner Commercial"
"On the Highway with Yahweh"
"The Batman"
"PACMAN FAN!"
"Inbreeding Cousins 2"
"The Break-up Letter"

All films in the vault are available for you to download on request - there are currently 896 to choose from, the latest addition being "Three Lives" by Meowan.

See you next month, Merry Xmas and Happy New Year!

Re: The JazzX Movie Vault

jazzx — Fri, 17 Oct 2008 06:01:49 GMT

Back to September 2007 this month. Time flies doesn't it? It's all a blur! Speaking of which ...:

September 2007 Highlights

Privates in the Blur: Prologue (French with English subtitles) (no longer online)

Privates in the Blur - Episode 1: La Naissance du Boucher (Part 1) (aka. Privates in the Blur - Episode 1: Birth of the Butcher (Part 1)) (French with English subtitles) (No longer online)

Privates in the Blur - EPisode 1: La Naissance du Boucher (Part 2) (aka. Privates in the Blur - Episode 1: Birth of the Butcher (Part 2)) (French with English subtitles) (No longer online)

Privates in the Blur - Episode 2: Mortelle Destinee (aka. Privates in the Blur - Episode 2: Mortal Destiny) (French with English subtitles) (No longer online)

Privates in the Blur - Episode 3: En Quete De Redemption (Part 1) (aka. Privates in the Blur - Episode 3: In Search of Redemption (Part 1)) (French with English subtitles)

&

Privates in the Blur - Episode 3: En Quete De Redemption (Part 2) (aka. Privates in the Blur - Episode 3: In Search of Redemption (Part 2)) (French with English subtitles)

by Kowaru (prologue), Lukavey (episode 1, parts 1 & 2), samyhouse (episode 2), melicendre (episode 3, parts 1 & 2)

Genre: Epic Slasher Crime Thriller

Durations:

(Prologue) 5 minutes - released Monday 11th June 2007, 71 ratings, 4.89 star average,
(Episode 1 - Part 1) just over 18.5 minutes - released Wednesday 12th September 2007, 54 ratings, 4.93 star average
(Episode 1 - Part 2) 19 minutes - released Friday 14th September 2007, 37 ratings, 4.95 star average
(Episode 2) 21.5 minutes - released Wednesday 19th September 2007, 48 ratings, 4.98 star average
(Episode 3 - Part 1) 16.5 minutes - released Sunday 23rd September 2007, 36 ratings, 5 star average
(Episode 3 - Part 2) 12 minutes - released Wednesday 26th September 2007, 30 ratings, 4.97 star average

BBFC ratings:
Prologue: (12) - for mild gore and violence
Episode 1, Part 1: (12) - for disturbing and violent scenes
Episode 1, Part 2: [18] - for gruesome scenes
Episode 2: [18] - for gruesome scenes and female nudity
Episode 3, Part 1: (15) - for bad language
Episode 3, Part 2: (15) - for disturbing scenes

This is a real treat! Working off the same screenplay (by Demarreur and Riggs), four of France's best TM directors bring us this cat & mouse epic about a slasher and the detectives in pursuit. It's gripping stuff, very well acted and with brilliant editing and camerawork.

Highlights for me are the engrossing finale of Episode 2 and a truly memorable scene in the park in Episode 3, which I won't spoil by saying any more.

Thinking caps on though! This one requires you to keep a track of a complicated story, but the characters and the way they are fleshed out make it more than worth the effort.

90+ minutes of classy French cinema - and you're only just halfway there! There are another 2 episodes, an epilogue and another director in the series (I've not seen the other episodes yet).

It's interesting comparing the different styles of each director.

Wolves

by Lethal_Entertainment

Genre: Psychological Horror

Duration: 6.5 minutes - released Tuesday 24th July 2007, 74 ratings, 4.88 star average

BBFC rating: /PG\ - for some disturbing material

Excellent acting in what is largely a monologue. The atmosphere created is disturbing and the ending is a 'un. Well worth checking out.

Bimbos On Fire Will Be Right Back

by thebiz

Genre: Satirical Spoof TV Advertisement

Duration: 2.5 minutes - released Friday 24th August 2007, 39 ratings, 4.64 star average

BBFC rating: U - suitable for all

This very well made "advert" uses humour to send its message about the damage we're doing to our environment. Most people would rather dull their minds with rubbish like Big Brother or Bimbos on Fire than pay attention to something that's actually important. That seems to be the view expressed here - we get actual disgusting shots of "The Venice of Brooklyn" at the end of the film, sealing a powerful and timely message very well delivered.

Add to that some impressive mod and overlay work (the glass bottomed gondola is excellent [honestly, watch it - you couldn't invent it!]) and you have a classy and original piece of work.

At 2 and a half minutes, there's no excuse not to watch it right now!

Also archived this month:

"The Other Door - Part 1"
"Temporary Night: Vengeance Rising" (Music Video)
"Law of the West (Part A)"
"Law of the West (Part B)"
"Schroder"

There are now 786 films in the vault, the latest additions being "Sorrows of the Spy: Episode 2" Parts 1 & 2 by Od-Ork-Boy.

As usual, all the films in my archive are available on request.

See you next month if not before!

Re: The JazzX Movie Vault

jazzx — Thu, 18 Sep 2008 21:09:06 GMT

As we continue to venture on our voyage of discovery, we reach August 2007, check these out:

August 2007 Highlights

Assassination Incorporated (no longer online)

Assassination Incorporated 2 (no longer online)

&

Assassination Incorporated 3 (no longer online)

by simpsdog

Genre: Action Spy/Hitman

Durations:

nearly 6.5 minutes - released Monday 11th June 2007, 29 ratings, 4.77 star average,

just over 10 minutes - released Friday 15th June 2007, 34 ratings, 4.91 star average,

& 11 minutes - released Tuesday 10th July 2007, 65 ratings, 4.75 star average

BBFC rating: (12) - for intense action violence

Imagine James Bond, but with a permanent female sidekick. This spy series of three self-contained adventures has action a-plenty. There's also some very lines and superb editing. When the VO finally arrives in part 3, I think you'll be surprised by the sexy Sinclair! Sinclair also has the best story in part 2. This is a really spy series for its story telling skills alone.

Who Wants to be a Vcillionaire? - Episode 4

by eobaggs

Genre: TV Quiz Show

Duration: 12.5 minutes - released Friday 27th July 2007, 48 ratings, 4.54 star average

BBFC rating: U - suitable for all

Last month, I highlighted episode 3 of this gameshow. Here in episode 4, the production is even slicker and with a dryly entertaining contestant too. This was the last one, and the best to boot. If gameshows aren't your thing, then watch this particular episode just for the craftsmanship involved.

Blood Berries

by rysto

Genre: Supernatural Action Horror

Duration: 8 minutes - released Monday 13th August 2007, 23 ratings, 5 star average

BBFC rating: /PG\ - for scary scenes

This film, shot tastefully in black and white (and high resolution), reminds me of the Indiana Jones films, as the hero goes exploring the tomb. It's got some jumpy moments, but above all it's extremely well produced.

Get On Up (The Anthem) (Music Video)

by First_Demand_Productions

Genre: Hip-hop Music Video

Duration: 3 minutes - released Friday 30th March 2007, 136 ratings, 4.91 star average

BBFC rating: /PG\ - for mild violence

Well - this one's in the archive but I didn't review it for some reason. So, last night I put that right!

Here's my official review of Get On Up (The Anthem):

***** stars

"MC Jazz in the house tellin' ya where its at,
These rhymes go bustin' crimes and the beat is phat.

A message to the haters and the ninja crew,
They can suck my **** with their * star reviews

So screw you with your stupid little games,
This film is BAD y'all, his name is Marcus Crane

The bestest hip-hop ever seen on TMO
And with the viz and style to match, it surely shows.

A predator with the editor, he masters every scene
No complicization with the synchronization, it's enough to make you cream

So **** the haters, **** the movie police,
This film ain't ****,

It's ***** - I said my piece.

I'm out ..."

Also archived this month:

"Journey to Flipsville - Chapter One"
"Why The Movies Needs Firefighters"
"The Vermin on the Mount"
"SINS"
"Call of Madness"
"Giulia"
"The Last Supper - Starring Jesus Christ"
"Dog Pound"

There are now 769 films in the vault, the latest addition being "Final Night" by BiggsTrek. All are available on request.

See you next month!

Re: The JazzX Movie Vault

jazzx — Mon, 25 Aug 2008 05:49:46 GMT

Wow - I'm ahead of time for once,

The second edition this month as we play catchup after the TMO crash. Not many films were reviewed in July 2007, but those that were scored highly:

July 2007 Highlights

Dead Last

Dead Last 2

&

Dead Last 3

by noose2loose

Genre: Zombie Apocalypse

Durations:
3 minutes - released Wednesday 20th September 2006, 7 ratings, 4.71 star average
5 minutes - released Thursday 21st September 2006, 4 ratings, 4.75 star average
just over 7.5 minutes - released Friday 22nd September 2006, 4 ratings, 5 star average

BBFC ratings:
Part 1: /PG\ - for action violence and mild gore
Parts 2 & 3: (15) - for bad language

So we begin with the opening three chapters of this obscure low-budget Zombie saga. The characters are well drawn with some lines for the hero to say as he successfully shows us a desolate world where most people have ended up in the ranks of the undead. Plenty of zombie action is the order of the day as the survivors band together to try to defeat the monstrous menace. Nice twist in part 3. This series was continued this year after over 18 months without an episode. A hearty welcome back to this filmmaker!

USN Jupiter - Episode 1: "The Attack"

by Spaceman72

Genre: Military Science Fiction

Duration: 13 minutes - released Sunday 22nd July 2007, 116 ratings, 4.93 star average

BBFC rating: /PG\ - for battle scenes

If you like Enigma, Conquest, Interstellar Odyssey or The Passage, you'll like this (most of the cast is the same as in those films - lol) - it has very high production values with superb in-cockpit special effects in the battle scenes and a polished feel to the acting. It's about the crew of a military spacecraft called into action when Earth is put under a surprise attack by aliens. It has a new Battlestar Galactica feel to it, which just goes to show how it is.

A Darker Thriller (French with English subtitles)

by samyhouse

Genre: Supernatural Crime Thriller

Duration: 12.5 minutes - released Sunday 24th June 2007, 123 ratings, 4.91 star average

BBFC rating: (15) - for violent scenes

I'm still not quite sure of what's going on in this story, but it's visually breathtaking with some of the finest camerawork you'll see on any TMO film. Very special effects when required as well as an excellent last scene with an amazing twist. Another classy film from this French filmmaker.

Gloop Gloop

by rysto

Genre: Puerile Science Fiction Comedy

Duration: just over 2.5 minutes - released Monday 2nd July 2007, 32 ratings, 4.72 star average

BBFC rating: /PG\ - for puerile comedy

I'm saying nothing about this film, except that it's funny - I'm so ashamed of laughing at it!

Who Wants to be a VCillionaire? - Episode 3

by eobaggs

Genre: Quiz Show

Duration: 17 minutes - released Tuesday 29th May 2007, 71 ratings, 4.9 star average

BBFC rating: U - suitable for all

TMO's best attempt at a quiz show gets it right in this 3rd episode of the series. Some of the contestants are quite funny, the questions have been toughened up and the format improved, making the game much closer to the legendary "Who Wants to be a Millionaire?" which it is based on. You get to learn all sorts of useless trivia about TMO in 2007 along the way, making this show as much a historical document as a mere quiz.

Also archived this month:

"Love is an Enigma (Music Video)"
"Pimp Saga 2: Still Pimpin'"
"Old Folk Funk Train" (Music Video)
"Space"

There are now 760 films in the vault, the latest addition being "Doctor Who - Episode 10: End of the Road" by DoctorWhoattheMovies

All films in the archive are available for download on request.

See you next month for more fabulous films - this time August 2007